


Ducks

by waitineedaname



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Guy Fieri - Freeform - Freeform, Prank Wars, Rubber Ducks, that's a wild tag to already exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 04:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitineedaname/pseuds/waitineedaname
Summary: "You know what’s way more fun than reading about how to read?”"What?"“Pranking Magnus.”“And you need my help to do that?”“You can’t act like you’re not the best prankster I’ve ever seen, are you kidding? You’ve got that deadpan shitdown.”Lucretia’s lips quirked. “What do you have in mind?”





	Ducks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Folks I Love Lup And Lucretia's Friendship
> 
> a friend asked me to write something involving Lup bc they needed inspiration for some art and,, it got out of hand. Enjoy!

“Lucreeeeeeetia. Creesh. Lucy. Tia.”

“What is it, Lup?” Lucretia glanced up and watched Lup grin and plop into the seat opposite her.

“I need your help.”

“M _hm._ Last time you said that with that look on your face-” Lup tried to look affronted, but it didn’t work, “-it ended with us having to explain why we were trying to sneak into the library basement at three in the morning.”

“They’re hiding haunted shit, I _know_ it.” Lup muttered, still bitter.

 _“Right._ Well, I’d love to help you, but I need to study.”

“Oh come on, no you don’t. You’re studying what-” Lup glanced at the neatly labelled notes spread across the table. “News Literacy? Creesh, you could ace that in your sleep. You know what’s way more fun than reading about how to read?”

Lucretia hesitated. Lup was baiting her, but honestly, she did want a distraction. “What?”

“Pranking Magnus.”

“What did he do now?” She did her best to act vaguely ashamed of the suggestion, but she perked up the moment she heard “prank” and she knew Lup could tell.

“He didn’t do anything, per se, but we may or may not have started a prank war. It’s been little stuff so far, but I wanna take it to the big leagues.” She spread her hands in a rainbow arc, grinning dangerously.

“And you need my help to do that?”

“You can’t act like you’re not the best prankster I’ve ever seen, are you kidding? You’ve got that deadpan shit _down.”_

Lucretia’s lips quirked. “What do you have in mind?”

“You ready for it? Rubber ducks.” She said it like it was some earth shattering announcement, but Lucretia gave her an unimpressed look.

“Is that it?”

“Yeah? He loves ducks, right? We could put rubber ducks in random places, just hidden enough so they’re not super obvious, but once he notices one, he’ll realize they’re everywhere.”

“Hm…” Lucretia propped her chin on her hand, thinking deeply. “It’s _good,_ but… It could be better.”

“That’s what you’re here for, babe. Whatcha got?”

“It’ll take a lot of ducks…”

“I have twenty bucks and a buddy at Dollar General that can probably hook me up, let’s _go.”_

\----

Taako leaned against the doorway and watched them work with vague exasperation. “Y’all better be the ones to clean this up. I’m all for fucking with Mags, but I live here too and I sure as hell am not dealing with this bullshit.”

“Have a little faith! I follow through on my shit.” Lup stepped back and watched Lucretia put the last duck in place. “How much time we got?”

Taako glanced at his phone. “Like twenty minutes.”

“Hell yeah, we’re ahead of schedule! Come on, let’s go act casual.” She grabbed her brother and Lucretia’s wrists and dragged them to the couch. By the time the credits of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives began to play, there was the sound of someone unlocking the front door, soon followed by Magnus’s entrance.

“Oh- Hey guys!” Magnus grinned jovially at them and plopped down onto the couch after they all scooted down. “What’s Gee Fiery up to?”

“Hey. No shit talking Mr. Fieri in this household.” Taako said, putting way too much of an accent of the pronunciation of “Fieri” and throwing a Dorito at Magnus’s face. Magnus caught it with his mouth and reached across them for the rest of the bag.

“He just ate a chili dog covered in gravy and bacon.” Lucretia said in hushed disgust. “How is this man _alive?”_

“A deal with the devil. He’s an eldritch entity sent from Flavor Town to tempt us into sin and heart disease.” Lup answered very seriously at the same as Magnus said, “Hell yeah, that sounds fucking _delicious.”_

“Nothing but respect for _my_ eldritch entity.” Taako muttered under his breath, sending the other three into a snickering fit. The next episode started rolling and Lup and Lucretia waited with bated breath. It took another two episodes of greasy deliciousness until Magnus shoved Taako’s legs off his lap and got up. They held their breath and watched him disappear down the hall. The bathroom door opened and there was a beat of silence, then two, and-

“Uh, guys? What the fuck?”

Lup bit her lip and Taako had to cover his mouth to hold back his giggles. Lucretia, to her credit, kept a perfect poker face, but her eyes were twinkling with amusement.

“What’s wrong, Mags?” Taako called out. “You forget how to take a piss?”

Magnus walked back out into view, holding a rubber duck. “Why is the bathroom filled with ducks?”

Lup couldn’t do it. She burst into hysterics, and Taako followed suit half a second later. Lucretia continued to keep a straight face.

“Wow, that’s wild, Magnus.” She said, raising an eyebrow. “I knew you liked ducks, but that’s extreme, even for you.”

“It wasn’t me!” He pointed a betrayed finger at Lup. “Was this you?”

“Yeah, you got me. Shit.” Lup wiped a tear away, still giggling. 

“Come on, Lup.” Magnus whined petulantly. “I really gotta pee.”

“Alright, I’ll clean it up. Gimme a minute, and there won’t be a single tiny duck left on the floor. You wanna give me a hand, Creesh?” Lup got up and gave her a subtle jerk of the head.

“Sure.” As soon as they were down the hall, Lucretia slipped into Taako’s room, and Lup began work on gathering up all the ducks. It took several minutes, but eventually they both came back to the living room and gave Magnus, who looked somewhat desperate at this point, the go ahead.

Relieved, he bolted to the bathroom. Again, they waited. Give him just enough time to pee - he’d be too distracted by his bladder to notice - then enough time to realize something was off, then time to investigate, and-

A sharp yell of fear came from behind the door, and Lup collapsed, laughing senselessly. 

“Fuck you guys!”

“Magnus? Is there a problem?” Lucretia asked, feigning concern. There was some fumbling and the door opened. Lucretia poked her head inside and found a traumatized Magnus staring at the human sized rubber duck she’d stashed in the shower. “That seems inconvenient.”

“Who did this?” Magnus asked, his voice squeaky.

“I have no idea.” It was most definitely, 100% her. “I think your apartment might be haunted.”

“LUP,” Magnus shouted, “I swear to god, it is _on.”_

“Hey, sucks to suck.” Lup shouted back, still regaining her composure on the floor.

“Can you chucklefucks reserve your prank war for when Food Network isn’t marathoning Mr. Fieri?” Taako shouted over both of them, stretched out to take up the full length of the now empty couch.

In the end, the war lasted several weeks and cost them way more money than what would be deemed practical. Magnus didn’t guess Lucretia’s involvement in a single one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> will I ever know how to end a fic? Not Fucking Likely!
> 
> this prank was inspired by this [standup](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5d8pVg3Qtg)


End file.
